Again another long over due blog,a lot of things went on over the past few months but i am back with another well i don’t what to call this to be honest,so.. let’s just jump right into it. When you meet someone online its a new experience,you learn about each other a bit, you both are unsure of each other,you web chat just to make sure this person is who they say they are. In my case after that i am a bit hesitant and avoiding of the new person i meet even though i got along with them i just tend to do that, then i feel bad because i am ignoring them, i begin to talk more and more,i end up opening up, then there is an emotional conection then…well you start having some fun. Then once it hits a certain point where you have only known the person 3-4 monthst but if feels like forever because emotionally you both are connected and bonded together,but you both know you can’t be together at that moment so commiting to each other is ridiculous no matter how much you want too,then you begin to expect things,maybe get possessive,all that junk. In my case everything around me stops,i get anxiety and depression,i miss the person i like way more than i should,i care way to much that i give myself anxiety. I over think conversations or meanings,trying to read between the lines even though there is nothing there,then you begin making the person you are interested in uncomfortable and miserable. Unless you come to a realization such as myself…i have never been succsessful in keeping the interest of a guy for so long,because of me trying to express my feelings. But you meet that one person you just don’t want to lose. Anyways, if you look back at all the people you have had interest in and after that 3-4 month period..they find someone near them and then end up “in love”..but while they texted you they said all these things…now i am not saying they were lying..maybe at that time yes they felt that way..but then the guilt…some feel it some don’t..or some do feel it and ignore it and move on with someone more close them that they can feel..and see in person…my point is i have come to the realization after this happening constantly..is that i am the girl who is there for the moment not the lifetime. I am the play toy, i am the entertainment to clear the boredom,i am the listener of the emotional,i am the one they come to for comfort and a ego boost. After all that they put me to the side and find someone new and then end up dating for several years and marrying. Then you ask well why can’t you do the same? Well because i have no social life,i stay at home right now taking care of issue that don’t allow me to get out of the house. I basically am lonely,deprressed and anxious 24/7. Who wants to deal with that in person,i talk online as an escape..i meet people who live in different countries that are different from the people i see around me here. Then you just so happen to meet that one person who you think you could possibly end up together but in all reality,i am the person who keeps them sane while i go crazy. I am dealt the people who have heartache or breakup issues then i end up the rebound because i am fun and understanding,then i become the easy one. Now i am not saying all the guys i have met are jerks but most were and this one i have met just recently, is the most supporting and understanding and caring person i have ever met,it’s so unheard of, he’s respectful. But, oh that sad word…but..we can’t be together, 1 because distance,2 because in all actuallity we aren’t ready for a serious relationship and 3 because this person is all these things, they are basically too good to be true and we all know what that means..that good thing never lasts. I know i shouldn’t look to online for dating..long distance usually never works but i like to be optimistic and say it can if you communicate correctly. But like i said,oh the but again and again, “I am the one they call when things go wrong” (lilo & stitch reference), but in all seriousness i am,i am the one to make everyone else feel better while i feel like sh*t. I am basically in a nice way putting it i am the one that looks pretty and only should look pretty and not speak a single word,because it ruins everything. I am the girl in the moment,not for a lifetime. It then comes to the point when you realize you are being used,and are you okay with being used?, i don’t know if i will ever be okay with it but at the same time that’s all i seem to attract, so if that means i only get 3-4 months, then use away because those 3-4 months i will cherish for the good times, and the connection. I also believe when you have connected emotionally,you may be soulmates,but i also believe if you love something strongly or feel it’s the right thing to do, which is sacrifice your happiness for it then i go by the saying, If you love something let it go,and if it is meant to be it will come back to you. At this point the people i meet are always free to go,date who you want,fall in love, as much as it kills me to say it and let it happen; It’s always their happiness over mine and i will not change that about me. Does this mean i am giving up on this person, no.. what i am saying is i know my place now,and i will be here for how ever long you need me. You have a life don’t change it, but i want the same respect you have given to me in the beginning to let me know that when a new girl comes into the picture, you will tell me before it gets serious so i can let you go. Sadly to say that yes my heart will be broken,but it’s your happiness over mine..and don’t give me encouraging words like “it will happen for you too” or “you will find someone else”, i don’t want to hear it, and when that day comes…i don’t think i can talk to you anymore for many reasons but always know that i cared for you, but as of now i know my place, you know where i stand,its all of my chest. I will now begin to be myself again to make you happy,even if i hurt. Don’t worry about me, because like i said i am here for you and i honestly,truly,and genuinely mean it.
Thank you guys so much for reading,if you have any successful long distance relationships or even tragic ones tell me about it. Let me know how you feel,words of enncouragement, or maybe let me know the realizations you have come across. Remember to always be kind and Until Next time loves.